HIS GIFT TO ME...

For years I had wondered...what was my purpose in life? Many of us have pondered this ultimate question. For most it has taken years to find the answer; some will never know. For me, it took thirty seven years to understand why I had been placed on this great Earth. But for Caden, I believe, his purpose was determined the moment he entered the world. Caden, and so many other children like him, offer so many simple life lessons; ideals to live by. 

I have always considered myself a good person, caring, compassionate and thoughtful. I was raised with morals and was taught to lead by example. I have made mistakes, but have learned from them and allowed them to help me grow as a person.

However, since Caden, and the world he has allowed me to be a part of, have entered my life, I have learned more in three short years than I had in the thirty seven prior.

This is Caden's gift to me.

Caden has taught me...

1. To take each day as it comes...      

    

I have always been a dreamer; my life mapped out in my head. Everything had a plan. Because of this I was often disappointed when things did not work out as expected. Because of Caden, I have to live in the "now". I don't know where we will be tomorrow. It is unfair to visualize what life will look like for Caden down the road. Caden has his own plan and will work at his own pace. Today is what matters. The fact that I have my son with me TODAY; that I saw him smile and was able to hold and comfort him is what matters. Tomorrow will come, yesterday has happened, but we live in today and I have learned to embrace the "now". I am no longer disappointed because I don't have a big plan. I am HAPPY for today.

2. Perseverence, determination and to never, ever give up...

I have always been a determined person but in a very different direction. As with most, I would set goals and work towards meeting those goals. I rarely gave up. What has changed in me now is how I persevere. It is with an undaunted drive like none I had ever known I had. I will not allow anything to stand in the way of doing right by my son, or any of my children. The fight in me and the fact that my husband and I have never given up that fight has kept Caden alive. We do not allow those to tell us there is nothing that can be done. Where there is a will...there will always be a way and we will find it.

3. Confidence, strength and to never stop questioning...

I have always had confidence. However, I cared all too much about what others thought of me. I aimed to please even if it meant surrendering my ideals and what I knew was right. It sounds awful, but I don't care as much anymore about what people think about me. Caden's journey has showed me that accepting what others say and believing that others, such as doctors, know what is best for him, may not be what will help Caden. My husband and I know Caden best. He is OUR son. We are his voice, his advocates and we will never stop questioning those who feel they know what is best for him.

4. Patience, perspective and to let the "little things" go...

Those who know me know that I am not always the most patient person. I am the definition of a Type "A" personality; a perfectionist who expects everything to be a certain way. Caden has showed me that it is okay to let things go and that life is messy and often unorganized. Perfectionism is nothing more than a fictitious fantasy. I have more patience and try to put things into perspective. Caden will grow and develop at his own pace; the simplist little things he can do are still things HE CAN DO. Many parents hope, or downright expect, their children to be scholars, star athletes or talented musicians. All I ever want for my children is for them to be HAPPY.; for them to enjoy the little things in life; to smell the roses; to play and to use their creativity and imagination. My children do not need to be the smartest or the best. They are THEIR BEST and I would rather leave this Earth one day knowing I allowed them to laugh, get messy and explore the the world around them than expected them to over achieve and be something they're not. A child's laughter is greater than any skill or talent. HAPPY and hopefully HEALTHY is what truly matters most.

5. Kindness, forgiveness and generosity...

Caden's journey has not been easy and has affected us financially, spiritually, physically and emotionally. However, his journey has allowed me to meet so many wonderful and amazing people; people who, otherwise, may have never entered my life. Many are strangers whom I've never even met. His journey has also opened the eyes and hearts of so many of our family and friends. I believe that anyone who has become a part of Caden's life has grown a little from following his journey. The many people in our life have given so much to us in so many ways. It has shown me that the world is still a good place despite what the evening news may show and that there are more kind and moral people than not. I often tell people that if every person spent a day walking through a children's hospital, the world would be a much better place. These children open you up to a world of purity, innocence and hope beyond measure. Despite what these children endure, they smile, laugh and forgive. They FORGIVE. It is hard for me to forgive but I watch Caden smile up at the nurse who just stuck him repeatedly with a needle and I believe he forgives her. Caden has taught me that forgiveness allows us to move forward.

6. Faith, hope and that life is much bigger than me...

This may stir up some discussion but I have often questioned why God allowed this to happen to my son. I don't understand how God could allow a little boy like Caden to struggle every day and to miss out on so much of what a little boy should be doing. My faith has been tested and I want to believe, but it has been hard. Lately, Caden and so many of the little children that have entered my life, have given me hope and something to believe in. I don't know why what happened to Caden happened and I may never understand but what I do know is that life is bigger than what I know. I believe that there is more and that maybe everything does happen for a reason. I look into Caden's eyes and there is so much hope. Maybe miracles do happen. I believe in them. It is what gets me through each day. Without hope and the possibility of a miracle, I would be broken. Caden's spirit rises within him and lifts the spirits of those around him. He is more than just a little sick boy with special needs. He is a hero, a teacher, and an angel here on Earth.

7. To smile more and complain less...

I have to. Caden does. Many people don't understand how we do it; how we get up each morning, go about our day and continue to smile. It's simple. We are very lucky. Caden is a part of every day of our life and we are grateful for this. We don't know how much time we have with him. We pray for a lifetime but know it's not that simple. I value every day I have with him. I enjoy the DANCE. I appreciate the RIDE. Life is precious; every moment of it. It is a gift to treasure and one that can be taken from us at any time. Although Caden's journey has taken it's toll on all of us, I have never SMILED more in my life.

8. To listen and to truly see the world around me...

I have always considered myself to be compassionate but because of Caden I allow myself to become a part of so many more lives at a much deeper level. I listen to what people have to say, I value their ideas and have come to understand that no one person's life is any less important than another's. I do not truly know what goes on deep inside the life of another person and therefore I do not judge. Caden has allowed me to open my heart to others in ways I never knew possible. Caden has opened my eyes to a different world; a world I new existed but one I never truly understood. Caden's world is simple and pure. Children with special needs, children who are chronically ill and children with terminal illnesses define the true meaning of unconditional LOVE. 

9. The meaning of heroism...

Few are more heroic than a child fighting for his life. Caden has endured more in three years than most do in a lifetime. He does not allow setbacks to stop him. He is a warrior, a champion, a winner. I look up to him. He is my HERO and always will be.

Caden met one of America's hero's

10. To live life to the fullest without ever looking back...

It is hard not to wonder what might have been. What if I was able to keep my babies inside me for just a little bit longer? What if whatever caused the brain bleed hadn't happened? What if I had stayed with him and his brother and sister every minute while they were in the NICU? What if the doctors listened to me when I first knew something bigger was wrong? What if....? If I allowed myself to do this, I would not be able to enjoy the beautiful gifts I've been given. I have learned to believe I have done my very best. I have accepted what I can not change. I have forgiven myself for what I could have done better. Caden is the most amazing person I have ever known. He, along with his brother and sister, are the greatest thing I have ever been a part of. They are a gift I will treasure no matter how hard each day is. I am the luckiest person I know in that I have been touched so deeply by one little boy who has given me so much in such a short time. I am a better person because of Caden. I believe many people are better because of him. Caden has touched so many lives; has impacted so many people and has given so much to the world around him. His spirit shines within me, it guides my way. He is the light in my dark. He has brought back my faith and has allowed me to believe again. Yes...I am the luckiest person in the world because...

Caden loves me...